225 THE MALL THE COUNCIL HOUSE WHERE SHE LIVED IN GREAT BRITAIN

It's a lot different now than when she lived their there, never had the rubbish bins or washing line out in the front garden. There was a hedge a gate, grass with flowers daffodils and, tulips her mother proudly loved and looked after. She only asked Kim's dad once if he could pull up the weeds. When she checked, he had pulled all the bloody flowers too. She was so mad and called him a daft silly blinking bugger and never asked him again.

HURTING HER EARS ~WANTING TO RUN AWAY ✍️ Info from her novel

This particular morning like a lot of mornings, her parents’ attitude towards each other was overbearing. She was thirteen and had been sleeping in her dad's bed this happened a lot when her mom was pissed off with him. He had come into the bedroom and she's still in a deep sleep and awoke to the sound of her parents quarrelling like they always did. She put her hands over her ears and shouted STOP IT STOP IT, IT'S HURTING MY EARS where both of them started yelling at her because she raised her voice. This didn't make sense and got extremely upset and why couldn't she express her feelings? When they left the room, she got her mom's small suitcase she was going to leave and started throwing some of her clothes in there. She was angry and just wanted to get away from this constant bickering seeing her mum upset and of course her dad yelling. It didn't help her younger brother tormenting and hitting her. Why wouldn't he? He was taking his frustrations out on her. That all he saw most of the time their parents acting up and it didn't help with her attitude towards him, she wanted a sister like her father promised her she would, then it didn't happen, that was upsetting and said she didn't want him send him back. That wasn't a good start to their relationship, no wonder they clashed and had arguments. They were not close back then and could understand now why her brother acted like he did.

She had packed the small suitcase and wanting to run as far away as possible, and most of the time the weather was raining cats and dogs as they would say in England. Another dreary day you couldn’t even see the houses on the other side of the street, the rain pouring, thunder and lightning. She didn’t care, it couldn’t be worse than the turbulence going on around her. She wanted to leave the stress, the arguments behind, to live in peace, harmony and love not turmoil, too sensitive for all of that. Her mother came up like she always did and sat on the bed and apologized to her. She couldn't cry, felt numb as her mum explained she wasn't arguing with her dad she was shouting him down. I suppose that's one way of looking at it. No, she didn't leave where was she going to go? It was the flight that came over her and the anxiety getting the better of her. All the years of seeing her mom's unhappiness and relating this to her daughter how she felt and she wasn't able to help her. She was very good her mother at hiding her feelings by making jokes and being silly. Sometimes embarrassing, because she could be quite outrageous with some of the things she would say and do. It was like living in one of those British comedy shows because of her dear old mum. She did have the same personality as Elsie Tanner from Coronation Street if you are old enough to remember her in the 60s~70s and part of the early 80s.

She knew her father loved her mother in his own way, it was difficult for him to show his feelings and affection towards her. I suppose that's why her mother would say, “you’re just like your father the way you're acting”. This made her sad and unhappy because how her mum talked about her dad. Looking back at it now, she could understand her mum’s frustration. She did come across self-centered, aloof and looked like she didn’t care. It wasn’t she didn’t care, her brain being wired differently, and she's sure the things that happened to her didn't help the situation. It took her a lot longer to understand love and affection not seeing it between her mother and father. She was still learning to navigate and live in this cosmic universe of hers. Her mom even compared her daughter to her twin sister I wonder why?

THERE WERE SOME FUNNY TIMES BECAUSE

OF HER MOM'S GREAT SENSE OF HUMOUR.

Charlie the budgie and the Duck

This was funny, her mother was looking after a neighbour’s budgie, Charlie and she’d let him fly around the room for exercise and would close the door and of course the windows. She had popped over to the shops and her dad, not a lover of animals, couldn’t stand the bloody budgie chirping and flying around. As he opens the living room door the bird flew into the kitchen. Charlie swoops down on him. “JESUS BLOODY CHRIST” he shouted and gets a rolled-up newspaper to get it off him and opens the window. Was he trying to get rid of the bird? Yes, of course he was and the budgie flew out. On her mother’s return sees the window open and the birdcage with no Charlie!! Yells to her husband; “WHAT THE BLEEDING HELL WERE YOU THINKING OPENING THE WINDOW YOU DAFT SILLY BUGGER”. That caused another argument and her dad yells back with his "Jesus Bloody Christ". She goes out to the garden with the birdcage in hand to see if she can find Charlie and to get him back into his home. She sees little Charlie perched on the branch of their apple tree. There's her mom calling Charlie, Charlie! pretty boy, pretty boy in a high- pitched silly voice then starts singing to him. The neighbour behind who lives in a maisonette on the top flat was looking out of her open window. The neighbour couldn’t see the bird hidden in the large tall tree and wondering what the heck is going on. All she can hear is her mother acting foolish, talking and singing to the tree. She could see the neighbour looking out of her window, she didn’t care, all she’s concerned about is getting the bloody budgie back in its cage and VOILA! Little Charlie flies back into his home and what a sigh of relief that was for her mom.

Another funny time, some of their family members were visiting and they were all in the front room. Her mom asks each and every one if they came back from the other side when they passed, what would they come back as? When it was her dad's turn, he says he would like to come back as a duck. Her reply “if you do, I'd wring your bloody neck for you”. That was her mom's great sense of humour and everyone laughed because it was funny.

SHE LOVED WATCHING CORONATION ST WITH HER MOM

She had a very close relationship with her mother even though they had their ups and downs and loved watching Coronation Street together, a soap opera on the telly. The series started in 1960 and came on every evening at the same time in the week. The first time watching this new show she was fixated when this actress appeared. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing, it was like watching her mom. Her mother at the time was a redhead just like this character Pat Phoenix who was playing Elsie Tanner; she looked, talked and dressed just like her, smaller in stature and buxom, her build was more like Barbra Windsor the actress who played in the Carry-On movies. Pat Phoenix, taller at 5ft 6, became the first queen of the soaps and played her character extremely well. The reason being she was really playing herself and played that part for twenty-one years. When seeing Pat Phoenix being interviewed and talking about when she went in for the part as Elsie Tanner said; when nervous she explained she becomes totally aggressive and that was her mother's persona. Her mom could really let fly her feelings and she had seen this with the verbal fights she had with her father. Also, anyone who she felt wasn’t being upfront, liars and sneaky people she couldn’t stand. She would let them know exactly how she felt, no beating around the bush, that certainly was her mom. You knew exactly where you stood, don’t be a bloody phony or fake, that didn’t sit well and would piss her off. She certainly was a Lancaster lass from Manchester, very loyal to her friends and people she cared for and loved. She preferred to say, her mother was more assertive, feisty and stood up to what she believed in. She did what she wanted with great fortitude but could be sensitive to other people’s feelings who were outcasts and not treated well. She knew what that felt like not feeling accepted by her mother and her twin getting all the love and attention. Her daughter was still close to her mom but unfortunately as you will see in her novel, this incident occurred and that put her guard up towards her mother. Because she was frightened and overwhelmed not having the knowledge of her illness. She didn’t like being around sickness, it wasn’t she didn’t care. She didn’t have the understanding or the know-how, and no idea how to act or help her mom in this situation. Being autistic and suffering with high anxiety and when a situation came up, she couldn’t comprehend, her limbic system, the cortex part of her brain would kick in. You will see because of what her father said, she blamed herself by shutting down, putting walls up to protect herself and how could she help her mother and would she survive?.....

Tony Warren, the creator of Coronation Street. The drama tells the story leading up to the creation of the soap in 1960. The characters were so real and the series very popular around the world and still going

WATCHING CORONATION STREET REMINDED HER OF STAYING IN

MANCHESTER WITH WITH HER GRANDPARENTS WHAT MEMORIES

THE WORKING CLASS FOLKS IN NORTHERN GREAT BRITAIN

WILLIAM ROACHE IS STILL PLAYING KEN BARLOW'S CHARACTER

CORONATION STREET THE LONGEST RUNNING SOAP OPERA

HER FAVORITE CHARACTER OF COURSE WAS ELSIE TANNER

HER MOTHER WAS LIKE ELSIE TANNER IN SO MANY WAYS ALWAYS MADEUP AND PUT TOGETHER AND HER MUM LACKED CONFIDENCE. STRAIGHT FORWARD AND TOLD IT LIKE IT WAS. HER FIRST HUSBAND VERY CHARMING WHO WAS LIKE ONE OF THE LEADING MEN IN THE MOVIES. HE COULD CHARM THE BIRDS OFF THE TREES, LOTS OF CONFIDENCE AND SWEPT HER OFF HER FEET. TO FIND OUT ONCE SHE WAS MARRIED HE WAS A GAMBLER AND PHILANDERER. SHE WAS SO SWEET AND INNOCENT WHEN SHE MET HIM AND BELIEVED HIS LIES. THAT MARRIAGE CHANGED HER AND SHE WAS NEVER GOING TO LET A MAN TREAT HER THAT WAY EVER AGAIN.

SHE WAS SMALLER IN STATURE THAN ELSIE TANNER BUT WHAT A SPITFIRE SHE WAS AND STOOD UP FOR WHAT SHE BELIEVED IN AND WAS ALWAYS FOR THE UNDERDOG. APPARENTLY PAT PHOENIX SAID SHE WAS PLAYING HERSELF. WHAT A GREAT ACTOR SHE WAS, DOWN TO EARTH JUST LIKE HER MUM. HER MOTHER WAS THE KINDEST AND MOST LOVING PERSON YOU WOULD EVER WISH TO MEET EXCEPT IF YOU GOT ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HER THEN SHE WOULD LET YOU HAVE IT, NO NONSENSE THAT WAS FOR SURE. VERY PROTECTIVE OF HER DAUGHTER AND WAS A MAMA BEAR AND SHE HAD THE BIGGEST HEART FOR ANIMALS. I SUPPOSED SHE GAVE ALL THE LOVE TO THEM SHE DIDN'T GET.

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HER MOTHER AND ELSIE TANNER'S CHARACTER . SHE STAYED WITH HER SECOND HUSBAND EVEN THROUGH THE HARD TIMES BECAUSE OF HER CHILDREN, THEY MEANT EVERYTHING TO HER. SHE DID HAVE MEN ASK HER OUT BUT SHE DECLINED THEIR OFFERS. SHE LOVED TO PARTY AND HAVE A GOOD TIME AND COULD TELL SOME GREAT DIRTY JOKES AND DID THINGS HER WAY. SHE HAD A DIFFERENT UPBRINGING THAN THE ACTRESS AND HAD A TWIN. HER MOTHER WANTED TO BE LOVED, LIKE HER SISTER WAS BY THEIR MOTHER. SHE READ CATHERINE COOKSON'S NOVELS AND THINKS SHE MUST HAVE READ EVERYONE OF THEM. UNFORTUNATELY DIDN'T FIND THE LOVE SHE REALLY NEEDED AND DESERVED IN HER LIFE AND JUST GOT ON WITH IT, LIKE SHE AWAYS DID WITH THAT BEAUTIFUL SMILE. OF HERS. SHE DID SAY WHY SHE NEVER LEFT KIM'S FATHER. HE ALWAYS GAVE HER THE MONEY TO TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSE, FAMILY AND GROCERIES. NEVER FOOLED AROUND WITH OTHER WOMEN. HER MUM SAID THEY WOULDN'T HAVE PUT UP WITH HIS BLOODY NONSENSE AND NEVER LAID A HAND ON HER. SHE MISSES HER MUM VERY MUCH. SHE HAS COME TO HER IN HER DREAMS.